Grief is a strange concept. My paternal aunt passed very suddenly. My first thought was “What? She was just on social media posting about her dogs.” Then I immediately thought of her kids and my grandparents. There is a lot of history there, but I know they all would have be at her side if they could. I am sad, and think she went too soon, but at the same time she had a lot of back problems and other issues. My biggest hope was that she was no longer in pain and knew how much she was loved by her family.
The seven stages of grief: 1. Shock and Denial 2. Pain and Guilt 3. Anger and Bargaining 4. Depression, Reflection, loneliness 5. Upturn 6.Reconstruction and Working Through 7. Acceptance and Hope
I absolutely felt shock as I didn’t even know she was seriously sick, let alone in the hospital. I did feel some guilt because it has been a long time since I have seen her. I don’t feel anger or the need to bargain. She has passed, there is nothing I can do at this point to change that fact. The reflection came at the same time as the guilt. Why hadn’t I seen her more recently? There isn’t a lot of reconstruction for me to go through, which does compound the guilt a little. I do hope for her. I hope she knew how much she was loved, and how many good memories I have of spending time with her.
Her kids are going through a very different process. One has a young child, the other two didn’t live very close to her. They have the whole process to go through because they did talk to their mom, and now she isn’t going to be a phone call away for them anymore. I empathize with their pain because just the idea of losing my mom is gut wrenching. The amount of things that have to be done after someone passes doesn’t leave much time for family to mourn. There are many decisions to make regarding final wishes and ceremonies, personal items, and just dealing with life after for a while.
I will miss her, and passing so close to the holiday season makes me want to see my family more than most years. I keep having snapshots of my time with her run through my head. The fun we got into together, the adventures, and the comfort I felt in her presence.
The strange thing about grief is that someone doesn’t have to pass for you to feel those same emotions. You can feel them from living family if they are no longer in your life, or from an ended relationship. It also isn’t the same for everyone. In my case, I don’t think I will go through all seven stages of grief because of my relationship with her. Other people may get stuck at one stage and find it very very hard to move forward. While we can identify what the stages are, they also look different for everyone processing grief.
To my aunt, I wish you peace and a whole pack of dogs. I love you and miss you. To my cousins and grandparents, I love you and I’m thinking about you. I am here if there is anything I can do to help. To the rest of my family, I love you and I will probably hug you a little harder and longer the next time I see you.
Please use this to share your stories of grief. There is no judgment here, only support.