American society is weird about disabilities and disabled people. My sister broke her leg and had to have emergency surgery a little while ago. The surgery left her bed- bound and unable to walk for over 4 months. In that time, we had to adjust a lot to having a temporarily disabled person, as well as to the way people treated us.
One of the first things we noticed was that people stare. Even when the scars are easy to see and out in the open, people just stare. Sometimes it is just out of curiosity, but other times you can see the displeasure or judgement in their faces. People tend to act like you should be able to take up the same amount of space in a wheelchair that everyone else takes up standing. They don’t want to move out of your way, and they don’t want you anywhere near them. Being disabled is not a disease and people with disabilities have just as much right to exist as everyone else.
Another thing I noticed is that people always talk to the caretaker, not the injured party. It is pretty clear that my sister is a normally functioning member of society outside of her injury. People don’t talk to her though. They talk to me, like me being the person to push her around makes me the only one who can make a decision. The amount of times someone will look to me to answer for her and be surprised when she talks is ridiculous. I understand there are people who are nonverbal or uncomfortable talking in social settings. It is rude to assume that someone is unable to answer for themselves, and if they are unable to for some reason the people around them know to respond or how to respond in those settings. Please don’t assume. It sucks to have to witness that for someone who is fully capable of communicating and functioning on their own.
The gym is another place where it is very hard being disabled. People stare, even when you can’t necessarily tell that she is disabled they still stare. Swimming is great for helping people who are recovering from injuries and need a way to move without all their weight. The way too and from the pool is really uncomfortable for both of us and the locker room isn’t the most accessible place as accessible lockers are in the far back. We take a little bit longer to get into and out of the water, and the entire time you can feel people looking at both of us.
I know the first thing someone is going to say is ignore them. That’s great advice, do it yourself for an extended period of time with a disability and then you can say it. It isn’t easy.
On the other hand, there are some wonderful people in the world. We went to a music festival that was not the most accessible and people were willing to help us out of the mud and through the crowd any time we needed it. The festival staff also made sure to offer assistance as there were a lot of unaccessible paths. It was very nice to see that even while intoxicated there were tons of people around who were more than willing to go out of their way to help strangers struggling in the crowd.
Be one of those people. Be willing to help someone without alterior motives. You never know how much it could mean to them while for you, you might not even remember doing it the next day. It doesn’t take much effort or thought on your part. Also, don’t stare. If you need to know that badly, strike up a conversation and ask, don’t just stare. And if you don’t have something nice or even neutral to say, stay the hell away.